by Debbie Wicker BCCC
The Sixth Commandment: “You shall not murder.”
Prior to becoming a Christian mental health counselor, I believed that thoughts of murder were extremely rare—and that actual murder was even rarer.
My experience in counseling has taught me something very different.
I have discovered that intense anger and thoughts of harming another person are more common than many of us realize. Most people who experience rage will never act violently, but when anger becomes overwhelming, our thinking can become distorted. In moments of extreme emotional pain, thoughts that would normally seem unthinkable can begin to feel justified.
That is one reason the Sixth Commandment is so important:
“You shall not murder.” — Exodus 20:13
Rage can be a combination of overwhelming emotional distress, unresolved pain, and spiritual disconnection. The commandment reminds us that another person’s life is sacred, even when we are deeply hurt or angry.
In my counseling experience, I have encountered situations where people considered killing someone they believed had caused them tremendous pain. In one case, murder actually occurred.
I share these stories not to excuse anyone’s actions, but to demonstrate how dangerous unchecked rage can become—and why we need God’s help when anger threatens to control us.
Scenario 1: A Son Killed His Girlfriend
A nineteen-year-old man, the son of a woman I was counseling, killed his girlfriend, who was also nineteen.
His childhood had been severely disrupted. His mother had been married multiple times to abusive men, and he had experienced significant instability. None of this excuses what he did, but understanding a person’s history can help us understand some of the circumstances that contributed to his destructive behavior.
He was also using drugs heavily and vaping high-potency marijuana daily. By his early teens, he had become increasingly difficult to control.
One night, he became extremely angry with his girlfriend and strangled her to death.
He had no relationship with God and appeared to have very little ability to manage his emotions or his behavior.
Was he experiencing a psychotic break when the murder occurred? No one knows for certain.
He has spent approximately ten years in prison and will likely spend the rest of his life there. During his imprisonment, however, he came to know the Lord. From what I understand, his life and character have changed significantly.
His story is tragic in every direction. One young woman lost her life. Another young person lost his freedom and his future.
The combination of childhood trauma, substance abuse, uncontrolled anger, and spiritual disconnection can create an extremely dangerous situation. But understanding those factors does not remove personal responsibility for the choices we make.
Scenario 2: A Woman Tried to Poison Her Husband
I once counseled a woman about ten years after she had attempted to poison her husband.
They had been a low-income family and had raised three children together. While one of their children was still in high school, her husband came home and announced that he wanted an “open” marriage.
He told her that he was already having multiple affairs and wanted to continue those relationships. He said that he still loved her but no longer wanted a monogamous marriage.
Neither of them had a relationship with God, and neither viewed the Ten Commandments as a guide for their lives.
She became absolutely enraged.
The divorce process became extremely difficult because he refused to move out. Eventually, her anger became so intense that she put poison in his food in an attempt to kill him.
He became ill for several weeks but recovered. No one discovered what she had done.
What was particularly troubling was that, ten years later, she still felt no remorse. She told me that if she had the opportunity, she would do it again.
Her life had become consumed by anger.
She blamed her former husband for virtually everything that was wrong in her life. She was living in financial hardship, had a major hole in the roof of her home, and had no money to repair it. Her divorce and everything surrounding it had become the defining story of her life.
Her husband had deeply hurt her.
But her rage was hurting her, too.
She had allowed what he had done to continue controlling her life for years.
Scenario 3: A Husband’s Addiction Put His Children at Risk
Another woman I counseled faced a different kind of nightmare.
She had two young daughters, and her husband became addicted to heroin. He was a business executive, while she was a stay-at-home mother. He controlled the family’s finances and eventually forced her out of their home so that his girlfriend and her two sons could move in.
With little money of her own, she worked third shift at a gas station to support herself.
Despite her concerns about her husband’s drug use, the court ordered 50/50 custody.
That meant she had to send her daughters to their father’s home for half of every week.
She described his home as a place where drugs were being used, and her husband overdosed four times. Eventually, he died from an overdose.
Five years had passed since their divorce.
The tragedy did not end there. Her youngest daughter later became addicted to drugs and died from an overdose at nineteen.
This woman had tried everything she could think of to protect her children. She was devastated by the circumstances and understandably experienced tremendous sadness and anger.
But she never tried to kill her husband.
She had a relationship with God, and although her faith did not remove her suffering, it gave her somewhere to take her anger and grief.
What Do These Three Stories Have in Common?
These stories are very different, but they demonstrate something important:
Life can put us in circumstances that generate enormous rage.
People can betray us.
People can abandon us.
People can hurt us.
People can make choices that profoundly affect our lives and the lives of our children.
Sometimes the injustice seems unbearable.
And when we are overwhelmed by rage, we can begin to believe that destroying the person who hurt us will somehow solve the problem.
But it doesn’t.
Murder doesn’t restore what was lost.
Revenge doesn’t heal the heart.
And rage does not give us the peace we desperately need.
So what can we do when life becomes unbearable?
Jesus gives us an answer.
Jesus Offers Peace in the Middle of Trouble
Jesus never promised that following Him would make our lives easy. In fact, He said exactly the opposite:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” — John 16:33 (NIV)
Notice what Jesus promises.
He doesn’t promise that we won’t experience terrible circumstances.
He promises peace in Him.
That distinction matters.
The woman whose husband died from a drug overdose still experienced tremendous sadness. She could not undo what happened to her daughters. She could not change the decisions of her former husband. But she did not allow rage to consume the rest of her life.
The woman who attempted to poison her husband was still consumed by rage more than a decade later. Her circumstances were painful, but her anger had become another source of suffering.
Forgiveness does not mean that what happened was acceptable.
Acceptance does not mean that we approve of evil.
Turning to God does not mean that we stop seeking justice.
Instead, we give God control over what we cannot control ourselves.
The Sixth Commandment Protects Life—and Our Hearts
“You shall not murder” is more than a rule about physical violence.
It reminds us that human life belongs to God.
When we become consumed by rage, we can lose sight of that truth. We can begin to see the person who hurt us as an enemy who deserves punishment rather than as another human being accountable to God.
That is dangerous territory.
Jesus calls us to something radically different.
He calls us to surrender our anger to Him, seek justice appropriately, forgive when we are able, and trust God with the things we cannot change.
None of this is easy.
Some circumstances are horrific. Some losses can never be repaired in this life. Some people will never receive the earthly justice they deserve.
But Christianity gives us hope because evil does not have the final word.
Jesus suffered and died on the cross, overcame death, and promises to return. Because of Him, we can face the worst circumstances without allowing rage to determine who we become.
When Rage Feels Overwhelming
If you are experiencing intense anger toward someone right now, don’t face it alone.
Step away from the situation.
Talk with someone you trust.
Seek professional help if you are struggling to control your thoughts or behavior.
And most importantly, turn toward God.
You do not have to deny your anger. Bring it honestly to Jesus.
He already knows how much you have been hurt.
The goal isn’t to pretend that everything is okay.
The goal is to allow Jesus to lead you through what is not okay.
“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” — John 16:33
When we put our hope in Jesus, our circumstances may not immediately change—but we can change within our circumstances.
We can choose life instead of death.
Peace instead of rage.
Forgiveness instead of revenge.
Hope instead of despair.
And ultimately, we can trust the One who has overcome the world.
About the Author
Debbie Wicker is a Board Certified Christian Counselor who brings a thoughtful mental health perspective to the study of the Bible. With more than 15 years of counseling experience, Debbie helps individuals understand Scripture not only spiritually, but emotionally and psychologically as well.
Before entering counseling, Debbie was a partner in a Big 8 public accounting firm, where she built a successful career in management consulting. After a mid-life career change, she felt called to integrate faith and mental health — equipping others to grow spiritually while addressing real-life struggles with wisdom and compassion.
Through the-Bible.net, Debbie writes to help readers better understand God’s Word, human nature, and the transforming power of Christ.
