A Journey Toward Healing and Freedom Through Christ
Many of us carry deep anger toward those who have harmed us. That anger lingers day after day and can show up in unexpected, even destructive, ways. One of the most powerful ways to move forward—and release the hold that pain has over us—is to truly forgive.
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
— Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness Is Easier Said Than Done
During counseling sessions, I often hear heartbreaking stories—deep wounds caused by people who should have loved and protected. Some of these traumas are too severe to retell here. Understandably, forgiveness is often the last thing on someone’s mind after experiencing such deep pain.
It can feel counterintuitive to forgive. Why let go when the wound is still bleeding?
But the truth is: forgiveness isn’t about excusing the person who harmed you—it’s about freeing yourself from the pain they caused. When I choose to forgive, I release the trauma’s hold over my life. I make space for healing.
My Story: Forgiving My Parents
Both of my parents neglected and abused their five children. As the youngest, I was probably the most neglected, but perhaps the least abused. Each of my siblings bears different scars from our shared past.
Forgiving my parents wasn’t quick or easy. It took me over a decade to fully walk through the process. I’d like to share the steps that helped me forgive them—not to relive my past, but in the hope that it may guide your own journey toward forgiveness.
I leaned on many principles from Dr. Everett Worthington’s REACH model of forgiveness, adapting them through prayer and reflection.
Here’s how I worked through it:
- R – Recall the Hurt
I allowed myself to honestly explore what I had experienced. What happened? Why did it hurt so deeply? - E – Empathize
I tried to understand my parents’ circumstances—not to excuse them, but to empathize. What brokenness shaped their actions? - A – Altruistic Gift
I made a decision to forgive. With God’s grace, I offered forgiveness as a gift—not something earned, but freely given. - C – Commit to Forgive
Forgiveness wasn’t a one-time act. I had to keep choosing it, especially when old wounds resurfaced. - H – Hold on to Forgiveness
Even when anger was triggered unexpectedly, I reminded myself of the freedom I had chosen—and kept holding on.
I’m not saying I forgot, condoned, or excused what happened. But I allowed myself, in empathy, to let go of bitterness and resentment. That decision changed my life.
The Freedom of Forgiveness
Most people are shocked when I share my childhood experience—because I’m not bitter. I’ve lived, and continue to live, a fulfilling and joyful life. I owe that to God’s grace, to forgiveness, and to the empathy that replaced bitterness.
When you forgive, you take back your power.
You are no longer a victim of what happened in the past. Instead, you become an active participant in your healing—rooted in Christ, moving forward in wholeness.
Why Jesus Commands Us to Forgive
Jesus doesn’t command us to forgive because it’s easy. He commands it because it’s transformational.
Forgiveness sets you free.
It removes the chains of resentment, bitterness, and anger. It clears space in your heart for joy, peace, and gratitude. Even as I write this, I’m filled with thankfulness for what God has done in my heart through the act of forgiving.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32
Final Thoughts: Start Your Journey
Learning to forgive is one of the most liberating experiences of the Christian life. It doesn’t mean forgetting, excusing, or denying the harm done. It means trusting God to bring justice and letting go of the burden that isn’t yours to carry anymore.
If you’re holding on to hurt, I encourage you to begin the process. Ask God to help you. He is faithful.
And as you take that step, may peace replace pain, and hope rise from the ashes of your past.